Hug-E-Gram

This is apparently a real thing. So basically, once your girl gets tired of flowers, send a Hug-E-Gram (as if flowers is the only thing you could send anyway). A pair of Mickey Mouse-esque arms that you strap around your waist and I guess they inflate and tighten and you close your eyes and pretend you haven't just in desperation strapped on fake arms and that they are your real lover's arms. Who for some reason is not able to give you a real hug, as in a long-distance relationship. Next in line maybe is a Foreplay-E-Gram and then just a sex doll.