30

Turning 30...meh.

Vampire Transformation Spell, $500

On eBay you can buy a "VAMPIRE TRANSFORMATION SPELL~BECOME AN IMMORTAL VAMPIRE." This will cost you about $100 to start bidding, or $500 if you "Buy It Now." (In the previous auction for this item, which was relisted, there were ten available. ) The user boasts 100% positive feedback. Among previous items sold for which he received this positive feedback are Vampire and Warewolf rituals and "immortality potions." (For which he received one feedback comment "Thank you, a rare offer." Indeed.)

Shipping is free.

From the description:

"FIRST OF ALL I WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO THIS LISTING. WHAT WE HAVE HERE IS A POWERFUL SPELL THAT CAN TAKE A MORTAL HUMAN AND TURN SHE/HE INTO IMMORTAL VAMPIRE!"

"SO I HAD MENTIONED VAMPIRE ABILITIES RIGHT? OK WELL LET ME EXPLAIN THAT. WITH THIS SPELL YOU CAN CHOOSE YOUR OWN VAMPIRE STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESS'S. SO WHAT EVER ABILITIES YOU WANT YOU WILL TELL ME AND I WILL TELL YOU IF ITS A POSSIBLE ABILITY TO HAVE. HERE IS A LIST OF THE MOST POPULAR VAMPIRE ABILITIES SOME LIKE.

STRENGTH

SPEED

PSYCHIC POWER

INVISIBILITY

TELEPORTATION

IMMORTALITY

SHAPESHIFTING"

Also interesting is that eBay apparently has an actual category for "Spells, Potions."

I write like...Mark Twain?

This site, called "I Write Like," allows you to paste a block of text that you've written, which it analyzes and I suppose compares against famous/popular/iconic writers and tells you what writer your writing is most similar to. So I pasted one of my more verbose blog entries in there, and got this result:

I write like
Mark Twain

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I then pasted a page of text from some fictional writing I've done and got the same result. So. I take it with a bucket of salt; I don't write all that well. But that's a pretty huge compliment - Twain is one of my all time favorites. It's a fun little idea for a site.